


I Said No

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: F/F, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 08:00:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25519912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: He doesn’t look back even when his heart screams at him to.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, John Laurens/Martha Manning
Comments: 7
Kudos: 30





	I Said No

**Author's Note:**

> Let’s just pretend that this fits perfectly into a historical context.

“Do you truly have to go?” Hamilton asks, sitting on his bedroll and watching Laurens scurry around the tent, frantically gathering his things and throwing them into a bag. 

“The General requested it of me. That said, yes, I truly do,” Laurens replies, stopping his packing to look at his friend. 

Hamilton nods and looks down. “You will do us all proud. But I… wish you could stay. I will miss your presence.”

“As I will miss yours. I have to go now, Alexander,” Laurens says gently, pressing a kiss to Hamilton’s cheek.

“Be safe, Laurens.”

“I will.”

Laurens grabs his belongings, and makes his way out of the tent. Hamilton grabs at his arm, forcing Laurens to stay a moment longer. “Don’t forget to write.”

With a smile, Laurens says, “I won’t. I’ll see you soon.”

—

Hamilton and Eliza walk around the Schuyler estate, Eliza’s hand fitting in the crook of Hamilton’s arm. Of course they are not alone, Angelica is following a decent distance away and cannot hear their conversation. However, she is, no doubt trying to hear what they are saying.

Wearing a giddy smile, Eliza says, “I cannot wait for us to be wed. We will have so many children and our house will be full of love.”

Hamilton bites the inside of his cheek. “I can’t.”

He hates himself more when he sees the light in Eliza’s eyes dim, before the light returns in them.

“You can’t have children? I suppose we can always adopt. I know of a few children who would be perfect. We can figure--”

“No… I can’t marry you, Miss Schuyler. While I do love you, my heart belongs to another,” Hamilton says quietly, intentionally not looking at her face as he does not wish to see her beautiful smile disappear. 

Eliza’s smile morphs from one of happiness and hope, to one of sadness. “It’s Laurens. Right?”

Hamilton’s eyes close and he bites his lip for a second. Then a regretful expression replaces it. He looks at her and chokes out, “Yes. I am so sorry…”

“I understand,” Eliza says kindly. However, the underlying sadness breaks his heart.

“I’m so sorry. If I could change, I would. I would for you.”

“I know… But we do not have the luxury of choosing who we love,” Eliza whispers. 

Hamilton nods at her, dismissing himself. Then, he walks away from a future with her. 

—

When Hamilton hears that Laurens has returned from the Southern Colonies, he is overjoyed. The letters over the past fifteen months had not been the same as simply talking to him. It was always dangerous to write down one’s emotions. The war had not helped his case either. 

Hamilton had rushed to the inn where Laurens had written he would, he did not expect to find him there with a wife and child with him. He stands in the door, shock written all over his face. 

“Is that Alexander Hamilton?” Laurens calls from a table, the sleeping child in his arms being startled awake, crying out. The woman sitting with him, his wife, glares at him and he passes the child to her. He clambers out of his seat and walks over to Hamilton, crushing him in a hug. 

Hamilton just stands there, posture the very same as if he were in the presence of his General. When the embrace is not returned, Laurens frowns at him slightly.

“Can we talk outside?” Hamilton asks. He never thought that he would be uncomfortable when reuniting with Laurens, but he  _ is _ .

“Ummm sure?” Laurens says, sounding more like a question. He looks over at his wife and she shoots him a small smile and beckons him to go. They walk out of the inn, Hamilton followed by Laurens. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Hamilton asks after they walk a considerable distance away from the populated area of town. 

Laurens doesn’t waste his time playing dumb. “I am not quite sure…”

“I thought I’d be seeing you when you returned. Just you. Not a  _ wife and child _ whom I had never heard of!” Hamilton huffs. 

“Well, my apologies, Hamilton. Things happened,” Laurens says, not sounding apologetic at all.

“ _ Apparently. _ ” Laurens looks at him.

“What do you want me to say? Martha got pregnant and that’s my fault. I did the honorable thing and married her so our child didn’t grow up a bastard,” Laurens says defensively. 

“Oh hell… Why didn’t you just tell me? Why did you write to me, with implications of  _ more _ if you were already married?”

“What exactly do you mean?” Laurens asks. 

“You know damn well what I am,” Hamilton yells, before quieting down. “I broke my engagement to Elizabeth Schuyler for you! Because of you, I said no to the one shot I had at happiness. I said no to her, for you! And here you are with your wife and child as if I meant nothing to you! And it’s not as if I can go back to her because she is  _ married _ now!” 

Laurens looked at him, wounded. “I’m sorry… I did not mean for any of this to happen. If it means anything, I don’t love Martha… She is my wife and the mother of my daughter, but I do not love her.”

“Is that supposed to console me? Because I can assure you that it means nothing to me,” Hamilton spits, shock turning into anger. “I loved you! But now… you can just go to hell. Damn you, John Laurens. Damn you.” 

Hamilton turns, and walks away. He doesn’t look back even when his heart screams at him to. He ignores the tear falling down his face, and keeps walking.

_ You will survive this, Hamilton. You always do. _

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Let me know what you thought! (Just letting you all know that I may be doing some major edits very soon and will let you know via my [Tumblr](https://bladesnflannel.tumblr.com/))  
> -J


End file.
